Student finds a personal relationship with God.
I was sitting in bed last night working on a paper and my accounting homework. I had skipped two classes, aerobics and religious studies. I started thinking to myself about how much my views on school and academics have changed since high school... even last year and to an extent, last semester. School used to be everything to me. Everything was before school except on rare occasions. My life was always controlled by school. In elementary school I asked for extra homework because I didn't feel like I was being challenged enough. I was a part of Spell Bowl, Track, and Basketball, plus I jump roped. I excelled in the Accelerated Reading program, I always made the Straight A honor roll, and my mom was secretary of the PTO. In middle school, I was consumed by the drama department, Fellowship of Christian Athletes, science fairs, and homework. In high school I allowed myself to become so caught up in all the different activities, begging to be accepted by everyone at school and trying to make up for my grades which were not quite as superior as Anne's. I was in so deep over my head that I was a part of 11 different student organizations my junior year... then add in prom, honor roll, babysitting 4 nights a week, etc. Senior year, I backed off a little to focus on working, so that I could make some money to pay my cell phone and auto insurance bills. Last year, I bought into the idea that you will enjoy college more and fit in and look better to potential employers if you get involved in all different types of student organizations and activities. I tried to reach out to help others when in all reality, I was the one who needed help. I sunk into a deep depression and quickly learned that neither money nor activities can make you happy or lead you to success; they can possibly lead to the illusions of such things, but eventually when you start hating life enough, you begin to resent yourself for not sticking up for what you believe in. You begin to question whether or not you truly believe something or if you just mindlessly have accepted what you have been told. But eventually there comes a time, when everyone realizes that there is something greater that we long for in life. We can't always identify what that something is initially, but eventually it becomes clearer. I decided to be on opening committee, hall council, and take the role of freshman connections assistant to help other freshman while they transition from a life of being in high school at home with friends, family, and support systems, but I realized very quickly these kids don't want my help and no one can figure your life out for you... you have to figure it out yourself, something I'm trying to do now. But the more I try to figure things out, the more I realize I'm not meant to figure every little detail out. I have a relationship with Jesus Christ, and he already has every detail figured out and I need to trust him and accept it.
So where does my lack of desire to study for college come into play??? I've been thinking a lot lately (pretty much the end of last semester through right now) and I've realized that having a sincere, honest, and deep relationship with Jesus Christ is the greatest and most important thing in life. The beauty of life with God is that you are not only blessed, loved, and given mercy, grace, forgiveness and strength, but also a life of unconditional acceptance. God does not care what your gpa is or what color hair you have or how many pounds you weigh. It's true that he knows all these things, plus how many hairs you have, how many freckles you have, and so much more.... God knows us inside and out. He knows our greatest fears and our greatest desires. He knows our every thought so why don't we vocalize them to him... Instead of turning to our one true friend, we seek love and acceptance from the world. We buy into the lies that we can drink the pain away, cry until we become numb, cut ourselves until there is no more life in us. We go on hurting, hating, and wanting to give up or give in to every temptation and desire we've ever experienced. Instead, we need to trust in God. So, because I've been coming to these realizations I think it's pointless to go to college, because college is a somewhat surreal place where we put our lives on hold to experience a taste of what society says we need, what society says we have to have to live happy lives, and when it is all said and done, we find ourselves robbed of our greatest passions and desires, our goals and dreams, our core values, our happiness and any sense of hope. Instead our minds are filled with meaningless information that may or may not have benefits while we are on earth.
Day after day, I hear people talking about getting trashed, having abortions, waiting for that job offer of $50K+ starting salary. I hear people talking about how they think they need to move thousands of miles away to start a new life where no one knows them so they can figure things out and figure out what matters the most to them. I almost gave in... I was on the verge of believing that I could be happier if I would give up life at home to work in a skyscraper in a big city for a starting salary of $45K which could eventually lead to as much as $120K. I almost bought into the lie that drinking is a rite of passage for college students, and not just an occasional drink here or there but binge drinking. I almost bought into the lie that grades, test scores, and gpa reflect our intelligence and likelihood for success and happiness. I almost bought into the lie that it would be no big deal for me to sleep around and if I made the mistake of getting pregnant, it would be okay to "correct it." I almost bought into the lie that the farther away from home you are the better off you'll be. After all, these are the ideas and teachings I have been raised by in school, in the media, at home (to an extent). But then I remembered something. I have a relationship with Jesus Christ. He is my rock and salvation. He is eternal life. He is a life of happiness- yes, there will be struggles, but He never leaves. His love never corrodes and erodes. A rock is built up over time and once it is formed from the many particles and elements that make it up, it will always be a rock, no matter how big or small. Jesus will always be there no matter how much or how little I allow him to be a part of my life. But you see, I have allowed myself to be consumed by everything else, so why not give Jesus a shot, why not wait and see what would happen if I allow him to become my everything, my husband, my best friend, my master, my God, my teacher, my adviser, my counselor, my Redeemer, my Savior, my shield, my strength, my life.
So my views have changed from high school and freshman year of college. I don't care about my grades- they are only a measure of "success" by human standards. School is so insignificant in the broad spectrum of life. The goal of life is not to have the biggest house, or the highest paying job... the goal of life is to do the work and ministry of Jesus Christ. The goal of life is to find and fulfill the purpose God has predestined for us. Why am I spending 4 years of my life listening to people tell me that I can be happy if I get that dream job, that dream life if I will do, say and think what they tell me to? I already have a dream job- I get to work in a place where I can help people and minister to them while being ministered to and learn from some great disciples. I already have that dream life-- I have a life filled with opportunities and success. I have a purpose and I have a place in heaven with my Father and my best friend. I don't need them to tell me how the world views life, success, and happiness-- I've already found those things and I love Jesus and I want a deeper relationship with him. I want to learn more through all of you and through reading and studying the Word through growing in relationship and companionship with Jesus Christ!
I apologize that this is so long, but this is what is in my heart and my whole life has been changed. Maybe I'm a little of track, but all I know is that I want to be more like Jesus and I want a closer relationship with him and his body and the place I'm being called to do that right now is home, at the office and the church. I want to be a servant of God in the church. I want to do anything and everything I can that he asks me to do. My strength and hope is in him.
Love you,
Kristen
